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by ThatDamnKennedyKid



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Prequel Trilogy
Genre: Alien Biology, Angst, Emotional Hurt, Female Obi-Wan Kenobi, Protective Obi-Wan, Wingfic, Wings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-09
Updated: 2018-03-09
Packaged: 2019-03-17 05:08:35
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,199
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13652061
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThatDamnKennedyKid/pseuds/ThatDamnKennedyKid
Summary: There were many such sayings, as she recalled them. Many common taglines like "Jack of all trades, master of none" that were passed in common parlance, even when their full meaning had been lost to the generations previous. There was one she had considered to be complete, so studious it was in its passing on. The longer she stared, the more it hurt and for once, she allowed it to wash over her like the rains on Kamino.





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She had taken the boy. She couldn't help it. It hurt, Light did it hurt, but she needed it. She needed to be the one. 

She lied to Bail, told him she was bringing the babe to Tatooine, to the family of his father, but she hadn't ever intended to do it. Bail wouldn't trust her to be on the run with the boy alone, even if some of the men she had with her were reliable. She was too distinct, he would have said. The wings would give her away. So, she programmed R2-D2 with her location, told him of her plan. The droid was Anakin's droid, and the little unit would not fail. 

Wings gathered tightly around herself, the men shielding her body with their own, boarded the  _Negotiator_ and left the Alderaan system.

* * *

"Where the hell is this place?" Tup asked, looking around. Lush woodland with just enough underbrush, all of it serenely dappled with sunlight. A day rain was sparkling its way through the sky, out over the soft-sanded lake. 

She rocked little Luke gently, the blue-eyed babe sleeping soundly. "This is Amun. The birthplace of the Jedi Order."

"It's beautiful." Jesse said, stepping out into the daylight. He tilted his head back and let the rain wash over him. "I feel clean here."

"The Temple is to the west of here. It will be in ruins, I suspect, but there will be enough living space for us. Otherwise, the  _Negotiator_ will serve until such time as we can move into the Temple."

"Yes sir." Tup replied automatically before pausing, looking at her.

She reached out with her free hand, cupping his face. "You are free men and I am no one's General. if you wish to continue calling me 'sir', then I will not stop you, but you are welcome to call me Obi-Wan."

"Obi-Wan." He tried, the sound foreign to him.

She let him go, looking back out over Jesse and the terrain. 

"Have you ever been here before?"

She glanced to her left to find Rex, dark circles surrounding guilt-haunted eyes. "No. Amun was destroyed by the Sith in the Old Republic. It had stood since the beginning of time, protected by its Order. When the Sith took hold in the galaxy, we ran to fight them and let our home fall into decay. We were forbidden from coming here. Only the Council members were ever given the knowledge of its true location."

"Was it ever recorded?"  _Will he be able to find us?_

"No. The tradition was an oral one. Only one holocron held any information about Amun." She reached into her robes and pulled one out, one that shone white instead of blue. "It is the key to enter the main body of the Temple here."

Rex said nothing, memory lingering in places lightyears from here. 

"I have failed everyone I've ever loved." She admitted softly. He looked over at her, faintly surprised but hiding it well. "I let my Master die, I raised Anakin poorly, I allowed Satine to be killed, I failed to protect the Republic."

"You've not failed us." He responded just as quietly, moving in just enough to brush shoulders. 

"Haven't I? I feel them, the brothers who are gone." Her breath was a little shaky. "I hear Waxer's voice in my dreams, telling me he loves me, that he is not afraid."

He was quiet for a long moment. "If you failed him, then why does Waxer keep coming back to you?"

She stroked her fingers over Luke's tiny cheek. "I don't know."

"We're still here,  _ner jetii_." He said, pressing his forehead into her temple. "You're doing something right."

"Sorry to interrupt, General, Captain." The two turned to face Fives, dressed down into civilian greys and light tabards. "Cody's looking for you. I can- I can take Luke, if you want."

She smiled, handing the swaddled babe over to the clone. "You'll be a fantastic big brother to him, Fives. I look forward to watching him grow at your side."

Fives flushed, unsure of what to do with so much sudden praise. Instead of replying, he simply took the little boy and cradled him close like the masters of the creche. 

* * *

The holocron did indeed unlock the Temple and it was in much better shape than she had anticipated. The support structures were ancient and lofty, vines finding their way up the pillars and creeping the ceiling, but nothing seemed amiss enough to stop them from moving in. Even the softshells, more nervous than the other brothers, wandered around with awe on their faces. 

"Look at this one!" Wooley called, fingertips running over the underside of a flower's petals just to watch it shiver in delight. Some of the younger brothers giggled, one trying it for himself. 

The peace she felt here was like nothing she'd ever known before - each man was dressed in soft working clothes, exploring nature and making friends with beasts. Hardcase already found something he had tamed enough to ride. Jesse spent days in the trees, birdwatching. Gearshift had taken up cooking with herbal advice from Kix and Helix. Longshot was out in one of the tier gardens, trying his hand at a little vineyard. He'd always liked grapes. 

But something worse ate at her. Something kept her awake at night when the shadows of Waxer and Boil called her mind out into the peace they had discovered. 

This evening, it was Fives and Echo who were sleeping with Luke, the babe now old enough to wiggle around, giggling to himself when he lifted up cups or leaves. It was deep into the night, when even the gargling infant would be well into slumber. 

She whispered her way through the halls, passing by each brother's individual room until she stood at the steps of the Council rooms, where the murals their Code was inscribed were hung. She held out the holocron to the lock and indeed, the doors  _swished_ open, frescoes glittering in the moonlight. 

The woodlands had overtaken most of the room, but the large tiles where the Codes had been carefully engraved were left alone, standing tall and imposing. She recognized the first one, the memory of her graduation to Knighthood rising up in her mind. 

"Emotion, yet peace." She murmured, fingers sliding along the ancient language, reading as much with her fingers as her eyes. "Ignorance, yet knowledge. Passion, yet serenity. Chaos, yet harmony." She swallowed back tears, the phantom touch of Waxer's chin on her shoulder and Boil's hand on her forearm nearly too much. "Death, yet the Force."

It had been changed for Ahsoka. So much more rigid, harder, colder. 

 _There is no emotion, there is peace. There is no ignorance, there is knowledge. There is no passion, there is serenity. There is no chaos, there is harmony. There is no death, there is the Force._ That was what Ahsoka would recite, rattle off without thought or contemplation. 

_After the first time, Anakin shook his head, turning to look at her when Ahsoka was gone. "That just doesn't seem right, Master. What's happening to the Jedi when we can't accept that even we walk in the grey?"_

She thought of that as she touched the stone, that the mantra she learned had been the proper one, the one the Order had been meant to heed. Boil's touch firmed and she could have sworn he was there with her, scowling at the words he couldn't read. 

 _What does that even mean?_ He would say, scowling. Waxer would laugh, sling an arm around his shoulder.

_It means there are many ways to read it._

She forced herself to relax. Memories of the past, a broadcasting of her own anxieties would wake the babe not far enough away and bring the worried attentions of the brothers. She knew her slow decent into silence was frightening the 212th and upsetting the 501st. There was no need to bring further strain on their already troubled shoulders. They'd been bearing the weight of a world they didn't belong in since the day of their conception. 

She moved further in, boots nearly soundless over the mossy floor. 

"Jedi shall not know anger, nor hatred, nor love," She remembered Anakin chanting it to himself more than once, looking up at her with eyes haunted with failure, "that will overthrow them."

She moved to the next one, her chest tightening. "Jedi shall seek peace, and wisdom, and serenity," She took a shaky breath, Boil's hand on her forearm holding her steady, "both within and outward."

She hurried to the next and the next and the next, panic and betrayal welling up more and more inside of her at each passing mantra. She felt lightheaded. So much of her life had been given away to this cause, to this belief. But here, she finds that all of her upbringing was a half-truth. 

 _Jedi shall not be the bringers of war, of violence,_ is what she recognizes, but  _of dominion_ follows on the wall.

 _Jedi shall strike to protect the weak, the young, the innocent,_ \- more she does not know -  _the family inside the Temple and outside._

 _Jedi shall not know attachment -_ a failing of her own, but her truth was not complete -  _that they would sacrifice innocent life for._

Waxer's gentle fingertips ran over her cheeks, informing her of the tears rolling down them.

"All my life, a lie." She whispered. The still night air did not answer, but Boil pressed in close. "A lie I sacrificed Anakin to. If I had known . . . I could have saved him. He could have had her, his children, been the great one he was supposed to be."

Waxer nuzzled her neck, his breath almost warm on her skin.  _It's not your fault,_ he would say, kissing away the tears. Boil would nod, frowning hard. 

"What have I done?" She breathed to herself, the tears spilling over her cheeks. The pain, she could feel the guilt and the pain well in her chest. Boil's pseudo-heat disappeared, but Waxer held her closer. He would be cooing if he was really here, trying to soothe her. He had always been so gentle. "I've betrayed them all."

Years, she spent preaching. She spoke down to Anakin, indoctrinated Ahsoka, taught her creed and it was  _wrong._ She had damned them to this life and Anakin had wholly paid for it. He'd lost everything that made him who he was. And for nothing. Because of the Temple's fear, the loss of the knowledge they treasured so much. It didn't even make sense - why had the Jedi been banned from Amun, the world of their birth?

Because they got greedy. The leaders wanted everything from the Initiates and the Knights, everything they had to give. The only way they would get it was to rob them of any other outlet and taboo their natures. A slave to the purpose, but without a taste of what was at stake.

"Made for us indeed." She chuckled mirthlessly past the coming sobs. Quiet, quiet for the babe and the brothers. "All of us ruled by masters after our freedom and our will, fighters leashed to the Republic and no alternative. I am so sorry."

"Feeling guilty for thousands of years of deterioration? That's impressive even for your martyr complex."

She didn't turn to face Cody - as soon as she did, the battle was lost. "I played a role. Small, in the grand scheme, but a role nonetheless."

"And I ordered my brothers to their deaths."

She spun around and realized her mistake too late. He was right behind her, expression soft with affection and exasperation.

"General, you and I were both leaders in the conflict, both some of the highest ranking officers in our respective organizations. But neither is us were calling the shots. Our lives, our choices belonged to others. And as much as it hurts, the weight one we'll carry forever, we can't let it drown us. Not now. There's too much at stake."

Waxer reappeared, pushing her the slightest bit forward. She fell into Cody's arms, holding onto him like a lifeline. 

"Tell me what to do."

"I don't know, General." Cody replied, stroking her back. "But right now, all of the other restrictions we once lived by are gone. This world is ours to do with as we please. We can remake what was lost, do it right."

"It will all see ruin again eventually."

"Maybe. But it's worse if you don't try. That little boy needs training. He needs guidance and patience and someone who understands. Skywalker isn't here to do it and you're far from alone."

Rex materialized behind her, silent as ever. "Never alone again, Obi-Wan."

She followed them back out of the Council rooms, closing it behind her. 

"We'll stay with you." It was pursed like an order, but she knew it was a question. 

"Of course." She replied.

They laid her down, adjusting the lengths of her robes before climbing in beside her, Cody facing her and Rex at her back.

She would not fail Luke as she had his father. She could not. The brothers would ensure that.


End file.
